Thursday, November 08, 2007
Ecstasy and unreason
The single-minded pursuit of ecstasy---that’s what my life is for. Perhaps this is not for everybody, but it’s the only thing that works for me and I’m glad I realised it whilst I still have time. I’ll be resuming my memoirs soon, when things (never mind what) are straightened out a little. The aim of those memoirs is to trace that fugitive golden thread of ecstasy in my life, amongst all the confusions and humiliations of growing-up---a process which is still far from over today.
I never understood why my life was so random: why I took major decisions against all reason and suffered in consequence. I bought and sold property at the wrong time. I married the wrong women, followed the wrong guru (not that I believe in a right one), took up the wrong career. For in my heart of hearts I knew that none of these things mattered. To swoon over drifts of fallen leaves in Autumn---as I did today, I wish I could have taken snapshots---is worth more than fortunes won or lost, in my estimate.
I was pleased by this photo taken yesterday from my upstairs window, for it showed me more than I saw with the naked eye! Please click it to view full-size. It speaks eloquently in a way that I thought only laborious painting could do, in pastel or water-colour (ah, if I had the time!). I had wanted to buy one of those houses on the hill, but the valley is good enough, because it lets me see the hill, and the "Allelluia!" of those windows as they catch the setting sun.
Posted by Vincent at 8:52 pm